BÀI MẪU CHO ĐỀ WRITING NGÀY 21.9.2017

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The increase in people’s life expectancy means that they have to work until an older age to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age.

Is this alternative a positive or negative development?

It has been common in recent years that the elderly have to work until an older age to pay for their retirement due to a rise in their lifespan. However, there is an alternative in which people begin working at a younger age. From my perspective, this has more benefits than drawbacks and I will elaborate on the reasons in the following paragraphs.

On the one hand, I understand that there are some arguments against people starting to have jobs at a younger age. One of these is that the majority of young people are not sufficiently mature to take full responsibility for what they do. As a consequence, these individuals can keep making mistakes and this can have an adverse influence on the companies they work for. Another argument is that such policy can be detrimental to young people’s education on the grounds that working hours can occupy the time on which they are supposed to spend cultivating their knowledge for more academic success.

However, despite the arguments mentioned above, I am still convinced that starting to work prior to the existing age of employment has more advantages than working until an older age. Enabling people to begin working at an early age means that they can retire at the time when they should rest from work and enjoy the time of their lives. Otherwise, if old individuals work beyond their retirement age, they may put themselves at risk of suffering from health issues, while business organisations cannot benefit much from their work efficiency which is significantly impaired owing to aging problems. Working at a younger age, therefore, is more advisable as the youths can also be given an opportunity to cultivate their work experience and soft skills earlier in life.

In conclusion, it is my opinion that, as a result of increasing life expectancy, people being employed at a younger age is a positive development. This is because, in spite of some drawbacks, such trend has more advantages compared to the traditional tendency towards senior citizens deciding to work until an older age.

345 words – Written by NTL – IELTS Lecturer (Writing 8.5)

Examiner’s feedback

Task response: 8

Cohesion and Coherence: 8

Vocabulary: 8

Grammar: 8-9

Overall: 8

• Ideally you summarise all the main ideas in the final paragraph, but if you don’t have time then don’t do it…but for 8 I really like to see this.
• You could just have one point for the side you don’t support as strongly to give you more time to write the conclusion (and also there will be fewer points to summarise).
• I would have disagreed and mentioned that getting an education was more important…at least education should have been mentioned as a drawback.